Tuesday, December 2, 2014

उनि

आझ फेरि लेख्दै छु
मनको कोरोधलाई 
अक्षरमा पोख्दै छु
दिन उही
रात उही
बदलिएको समय 
बदलिएको साथ 
बदलिएको माया 
काला अक्षरले वियोग लेखि 
मिलन बिछोडको लुका-छुपी 
मनको भडासलाई आफैमा रोकी 
रुदै हिड्छु 
यो मेरो कस्तो गति 
कसले के गर्न सक्छ 
यही रहिछ मेरो नियति 
मायाको परिभाषा उनलाई बुझे 
त्यसैले दियो पिडा जति

Thursday, April 3, 2014

SEEN

Sagar Gyawali
11 hours ago
"Betraying me is not the problem, believing you is"

Facebook status always comes through my heart, what exactly I feel at that moment. I didn't break the trend this time too. As always, Facebook's mafias did like and comment to make it another hit one!! It was oblivious that, question like 'what happen?', 'is something wrong','who betray you', bla blaa will be booming. I never replied on such questions and also never took as major concern. My pessimistic thoughts on facebook always seek for conflict. May be Karl Marx was right, conflict create change. Here I was hoping for the change to encounter, the change on her behaviour. The change of her immaturity to maturity. The change of her stupidity to intellectual-ity. The change that can be sustainable. I don't want it as previous one. The change that fade away with time.
I'm really bad at expressing things directly. Words help me lots to express myself. Facebook as usual didn't betray me and my thoughts to reach till her. And it finally reached her early morning.

She: hello dear
Me: hey, के छ?
She: ठिक छ बुढा ! के हो त्यस्तो status?
Me: (as if you don't know it, fishy smile in my face) nothing just a status
She: why?? Did I do something wrong?
Me: (now she seems coming on hardcore conversation) nothing that serious, its just what i felt yesterday
She: what you felt, huh... yesterday?
Me: same thing what I wrote
She: come on say me, I’m serious. Why you wrote that?? You always do like that? You never share anything with me
Me: (what should I share....I don't feel that desperate to share my harsh feeling to one someone who made it harsh) nth much till when you study yesterday ?
She: I don't remember exactly time, may be 12:15 around why?? Can you please for god sake say me what the fuck is behind the scene of the status?
Me: did you use viber after we had long talk at 9 pm तिर??
She: huh...why you asking all these bullshits... I don't remember...first say what's wrong??
Me: (I don't remember re...you saying it as if using viber is blinking your eyes..without any consciousness) don't remember???? Why you can't remember what you did one day ago also?
She: No i don't . ohk bye I got lots of work to do.

(I fail to change you again, you are the one whose viber online status is off, how can i know you are online or not and when i text you it gets delivered and SEEN but i don't get reply of it. What should i think now then??) 

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Feb 19: It's not a Break-Up Day

Making jealous to your love one is not a big deal. Making others jealous of your love one is. You never know the wave of jealousy that you are creating for your love-one may kill the relationship. It’s never a year, nor a month, nor a day, nor an hour, nor a minute, nor a second that end the relationship which was build in 100s of days. It’s just the moment that may destroy your house full of love and happiness, burning down with the tears and frustration.  It’s is always a moment to destroy and years to build. So, it’s on you that you give your moment to build it or destroy it.
             
I always question myself that why i loved you? Why my mind starting thinking of you? Why my heart starting beating for you?  Why?? The question always trigger to my mind. WHY?? I’m unknown of the facts that why i fell in love with you. Did i fall in love with you or time made me started loving you. I’m dilemma; I’m out of my mind. But somewhere deep in my heart i feel the love of you. Loneliness of being without you kills somewhere in my heart. But still I’m unaware of moment when i fell in love with you. I can’t presume the time that made me fell. But why i was showing my desperate feeling towards you in the early days of our love life. Isn't that love? Or that was just the infatuation that occurs to me. Or it’s just the beauty of body that dragged me towards you. There are 100s of question revolving over my head. I neither can run away from that nor i can answer them back. Besides all, i just know and i’m very clear that i want you to be happy and better. That doesn't mean that i want new one on you. I still want you to be you with better piece of carve on you.

              I may not be able to answer your question that, “Didn't you love just the way i’m?” I may fail to justify what i actually mean when i mean better you. The “You” is always a “You” what i want. Only wish to make it Better “You”. If I’m not able to make “You” as “Better You” that what’s the point of living with you.  Every lover want their love-one to be better and better always that doesn't they don’t love the real one. Being self doesn't mean growing your awful and childish behavior when you are grown up. Being self means being true to your heart and improving yourself as the world and your concern-one wants to see you. We always have to live our own life by our own that doesn't mean you should forget those days and moments when many of your near one lived for you. If they did for you then you also have obligation for doing to them.

          You can’t dream your life as other did. They are different and we are different.  They didn't cry together as we did, they didn't laugh together as we did, they didn't fight as we did, they didn't feel the same warmness that we felt, they didn't love the way we did. They didn't do the way we did; we didn't do the way they did.  Both of us did the same, as we, they also loved each other but they are they and we are we.

               If marriage is the end of our love then i never loved you. It’s just the major part of our society, not the major one of my love. Living happily with you is only major things of mine. That’s doesn't mean I’m running away from the fact that one day we have to marry. I will, surely i will, i always dream of it, i always think of it that doesn't mean i always have to speak of it. Talking about this we can’t forget the moment where we started our love with no-hope of being together for long or marrying each other. Today we are growing; being together with each other for eternity has rotten in our heart badly. We started with zero chance of marriage and we are here with 99 today. But still you are lingering with remaining 1 then I’m sorry. I can lie with me but can’t lie with you. 1 % is something that i always keep until i finish the game. But still i want you to stay; i want you to love more. I don’t want to break up the relationship and it’s not a Break-Up day too.